OK- as all of you know... we approaching that lovely "D Word"... the D day we will call it. Those of you military wives reading this know that those last couple of weeks are pure chaos. Running around getting wills done... power of attorneys signed and printed... copies of this... copies of that. Setting up this and ordering that. It has been insane! On top of everything, this lovely base we are at LOVES to put the guys that have a "D Day" on 12s and train them RIGHT before they leave... so... I rarely see my husband any more. Oh joy!
So- in a matter of FIVE days... get that... FIVE DAYS... the following has happened:
1. Hailee got a concussion playing/wrestling with the big kids or possibly reacted to being bitten dozens upon dozen of times by fire ants (the wonderful doctor could not specify, of course... he had no idea).
2. Kaydance was violently ill, had a SUPER migraine with a fever of 102.
3. Kaylee fell in the bathtub and had to get her eye glued/stitched.
4. My anemia has gotten 10 times worse and my body is not absorbing iron.
5. I am having some problems with my IUD and may be facing surgery due to a perforated uterus- while my husband is gone mind you.
6. Kaydance had a terrible bout of constipation, followed by fever, cramping, debilitating pain, bloody stools, and is now on laxatives RELIGIOUSLY just to get her cleared up enough to figure out a treatment plan for her Fissures AND more treatment plans to further test her milk allergy sensitivity.
7. My car started making a noise (yes- our newly purchased one) that, to me, sounds like wheel bearings... and to Jon sounds like brakes catching... but the dealership wants to wait a month to see if it is still making that noise then (yes- my husband will be gone for this too).
So... needless to say... I am OVERLY stressed. If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that I have A LOT on my plate. Which I love- do not get me wrong. I take on responsibility because (in all honesty) I love the feeling of being needed, wanted, or feeling like I am part of something BIG(ger) than me. I involve myself so deep into my church, my kids and I practically live there. Kaydance's soccer season is now started up and qualifies to be part of a MAJOR local LEAGUE that plays year round! Go her! So proud of her... but that means three evenings a week I am at practice and then she has a game on Saturday mornings. I have noticed that I have been ULTRA moody lately and on the verge of killing people (not literally- but possibly emotionally). It has been horrible. I am finally coming to grasps with stuff and realizing WHERE my stress is coming from.
First of all... the definition of stress: importance or significance attached to a thing; emphasis... a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism... physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.
Sums it up pretty much doesn't it. Let's see what the bible says... my favorite verse on stress is Job 30:27- read these various translations:
New Living Translation (©2007)
My heart is troubled and restless. Days of suffering torment me.
English Standard Version (©2001)
My inward parts are in turmoil and never still; days of affliction come to meet me.
King James Bible
My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me.
So- as one can read, stress has been around for quite some time! My only way of looking at stress is hurt. Stress HURTS me! It brings me down, it tears me up, it exhausts me and wears me out... Stress is just that- all of these "definitions" combined into one.
My definition of stress: a feeling of dismay, loneliness, overwhelming turmoil giving one the impression that the days to come are full of sorrow, darkness: A strong emotion that causes one to lack the hope and faith; lacking the conviction to see the days ahead and the events are GOOD!
I keep looking at all of these things and going: OK... so I know God would not give me more than He thought I could handle... But don't you just wish God trusted you LESS sometimes!!!!?! Don't you just wish that for one second God could UNDERestimate you and give you a little bit less to deal with? I mean come on! God thinks I am a prodigy or something I swear. He is like that parent that sits there and goes "Oh no- my child is amazing and can accomplish so much! She is just perfect in my eyes!" Don't you just want to slap those parents sometimes!?!?!
Yes- I said it... God is the father/mother that most of us want to slap!!! :-) Amen!
But then I think about it... do you remember your childhood. You daddy's girls out there will relate with me on this: Do you remember just wanting to make him the happiest person in the world? Breakfast in bed... clean house (even if you did use the toilet water to scrub the bathroom down--- hey it was blue right?). I remember that. I remember ALWAYS hand making my mom's birthday cards and NEVER letting my brothers and my Dad forget mother's day. I remember listening all year for what my Dad wanted and then saving and saving to get that for him for his birthday. Until one day- I realized that ALL of the materialistic things in the world... all the efforts to make things perfect and right did not matter any more. My dad said those three words to me that no child wants to hear: You disappointed me.
UGH- stab to the heart right. Why is it those words hurt so much worse than "I hate you" or "You are a mistake"? I think it is because, internally, we have this desire to please others. When we let someone down... we let ourselves down.
OK- so where is this mess of words and thoughts going? Well... I have a couple of points actually.
A.) I take on so much responsibility because I like to be part of something bigger than me. I know that what I am doing is far more important than the laundry at home or the floors that need to be mopped.
B.) I strive for perfection and I think because I am a Christian "a child of God"... I have to do EVERYTHING that is thrown at me... and I have to do it perfectly. I mean come on! Jesus was "son of God"... so that makes us siblings in a way. I mean- who wants Jesus for a sibling!? To constantly compare yourself to Him in front of our Father? Really- that is some STRESS right there!!
C.) It hurts us more when we disappoint the ones we love, or the ones we attach ourselves too more than any word or action that has ever been done to us. So we avoid disappointing others. We take on too much and don't ask for enough help!
So- in saying this... I am basically saying "I am sorry" to anyone has encountered me in the last few weeks. I have not been the good child, sister, mother, or wife that I should be. I am letting stress... oh wait- ok... so I remembered what I was going to say about stress. You remember that definition I just wrote for you up above? OK- so to me... SATAN MADE STRESS... I mean think about it... The serpent that STRESSED Eve... Sin that STRESSED everyone out... Stress makes you lose hope... lose conviction. Stress comes in all shapes and sizes! It can be small and square to LARGE and hexagon! My stress had been coming at me like a freaking child's development toy! You know- that BIG yellow box full of shapes that make you fit them into specific holes before they will all go back into that nice little neat box? Yeah- that is my stress. So- a few stress relievers for me... I have to thank my mom, my Aunt Teri, and my Aunt Shari for helping me with these- they are more like sisters to me than anything <3 Oh... and my wonderful husband Jon of course!
Stress Relievers for Mommies:
1. "Remember... the poop that you are dealing with is just a mess that needs to be cleaned up. Just be thankful you didn't get it in your mouth!"- Me
2. "When all else fails... be thankful for your eyebrows... do you know how many facial expressions you can NOT make without those things?"- Aunt Teri
3. "Just get naked... everything is better when you are naked."- Husband of course (which makes sense... I mean... Adam and Eve were happiest when they were naked! Life was GOOD!)
4. "Screw the world- move to the coast, disconnect your phone, forget cable or satellite, and don't read the paper!"- Aunt Shari (which I translated into...
5. "... When life's burdens are taking over, take it back to the basics and remember the things you love... SIMPLICITY!"
So- I am now telling you what my plans are. My husband's "D day" is approaching more quickly than I would like. However, I know that once he leaves, life will settle down a little bit and I won't have as many GO GO GO now now now things to do. I will have my neat little schedule that I live by. I will be taking it back down to SIMPLE. If I can't do a four course meal for dinner... than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on a blankie outside with some good coloring books or finger paints sounds like a good dinner to me! We will also be going to a VEGAN lifestyle... I know- that sounds CRAZY... but with Kaydance's complications and our crazy life... Vegan will just help out as far as getting us the vitamins and nutrients we need. We are going to try it while Jon is gone and if we see significant improvements, than we will adopt the lifestyle. And count your blessings... each day... WRITE down something you are blessed with! A wise woman once told me "It will get harder and harder to think of just ONE blessing!"
That being said- I have been blessed with three little artists over the weekend... Here are some pictures from one of my "Stress relieving strategies" ...
When life gives you non-toxic washable finger paint... Paint yourself instead of a box... it is much prettier and more fun!
All I can say is---I love you so very much and my blessing for the day--you!!!
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