While we are on the subject...

So- while I was spinning tonight at the gym, I picked up a "Good Housekeeping" magazine. What a COEINKIDINK... There was a five page article on "The Frays of Friendship". It discussed when you need to rekindle and when you need to let go.
In reading this, my mind started racing (which is fine, because that means I pedal harder and faster)! People grow... we grow in so many ways. Friends are rarely "lifetime". Rarely will you see someone who has had a friend from elementary school, middle school ,or even high school. Sometimes you will find those that have had the same "bestie" from college. But as we grow, we grow in different areas. Sometimes, we grow apart.
I use to be saddened by this. I was so sad when I realized that my friends and I were growing apart. I was more saddened when I realized that my friends were unable to forget the past and forgive the wrong doings! Now- I am not innocent in this. I am notorious for bringing up the past and what was said or done, even in my marriage.
However, the past is the past. The future is the future. The present is just that- a PRESENT. What does that word mean- present? I began to think of time and how much of it is spent on pointless things: cleaning, gossiping, worrying, stressing, etc...
In greek language, there are two words for time: Kairos and Chronos. Chronos refers to the seconds, the hours, days, months. Kairos refers to the moments we remember- the unforgettable events in our life. I realized that I have been living life in chronos- by chronos. Waiting for that next second... trying to change the next day... or even hope for a better future. I pray on a daily basis that God heals my relationships with past friends and blesses the future for my husband and me. But chronos is a "waste of time". Who wants to live by the seconds? Not I! I want to live by the Kairos! I want to live each unforgettable moment to the next! I want to set memories for my children! I want them to remember their childhood and not look back and think about how we were always rushing around to do this or that. I catch myself, almost daily, worrying about what my house looks like. Making sure there is not one article of clothing in the dirty clothes, even if it means washing a small load of four t-shirts and a pair of jeans. Scrubbing my floors, mopping daily, dusting, vacuuming, etc. But most important, I realized I worry about the "appearance" of my family and my house! What!? Why!? Does my house being spotless clean help my children? Does my family wearing perfect name brand clothes make us happier? Does the amount of friends I have make me a better person?
The answers are no. My identity is not determined by the number of friends I have... I am who I surround myself with. I have always said I only have a handful of friends, but they are my friends. But I NEVER really lived up to that. But it is so true- it is true in EVERY aspect of life. You may only be able to do a few good pushups, but make sure they are GREAT pushups. You may only have a few kids, but those are WONDERFUL kids. You may only have ONE husband ;-) BUT he is the BEST man in your life! Why is America so OBSESSED with quantity over quality? This is why we have the problems we have! Our food, our homes, our cars... the quality has suffered because of the DEMAND for quantity?
Now- I know that God has created us for relationships. But I also know that He brings people in our lives and then takes them away- ALL for very valid reasons. I would NEVER take back my past and the people that were in it- good or bad. Because they shaped me in one way or another. I would never take away the fact that God took them out of my life... although it hurts to be pruned... and it hurts to have these relationships severed, I know that God has a plan. I need to take my mind off of "fixing" the broken relationships and prepare myself for serving my Lord. Fixing the broken past is like dwelling on the stain that won't come out- my OCD tells me FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT... but the Holy Spirit calms and tells me to prepare my heart for the Lord, for HE is the only relationship that is EVER worth fixing.
This being said- I have ONE best friend- my husband. I have THREE children and we are done... but the three that I have are blessings. We live comfortably with three and are never living paycheck to paycheck- which takes the stress of "money" off of our family. Our kids don't get EVERYTHING they want and they don't have closets full of name brand clothes or shoes. BUT, they do have books that we read at bedtime, paper that we draw on during the day, water and dirt to make mud pies and have mud fights on warm sunny days, and they have two parents that are madly in love and a family that is centered around the Lord. No friend can bring you that happiness... no cleaning product can bring those sensations... and no name brand can bring you the satisfaction of an afternoon spent tie-dying t-shirts!
I know- this was a bit all over the place... but... no editing allowed when you are venting your mind! :-)