Spiritual Enlightenment

Have you ever felt like you were bursting with life?

I know... odd question right. I just can't seem to stop smiling ever since I got home from the MOPS convention. Sunday night, the night I got home, Jon and I stayed up until 2am just talking because I just felt like I had finally figured it all out.
As most of you know or have read, I have been kind of lost in life for a long time. I mean... about 22 years now! I have been trying to please others for so long and hurting the ones I love that I kind of lost view of my moral compass. I normally do not repeat the intimate conversations my husband and I have, but I just need to get this out there! I think I need to testify for my Lord, the power of prayer, and the power of SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT.
At the convention, we took many workshops on various subjects and listened to sessions that just wakened the soul. One of my first workshops I went to was "Simple Recipes for Romance" by Steve Tucker. I have his book if you would like to borrow it! He talked about how intimacy is often times related to sex... when in all actuality, it has nothing to do with sex. The things I took from this workshop were amazing and honestly eye opening. For the longest time, I have relied on Jonathon to make me happy. I think we all do that. If he did something that upset me, I got mad. If he did something to make me happy, I was bursting with happiness. But everything in our marriage was contingent upon what we got from one another. WRONG! Common mistake that we all make! A marriage is NOT a give and take relationship. It is a giving relationship! You have to give to your lover. You have to give and give until it hurts... and then guess what... you have to give some more. Marriage is not a job- but we often times make it more complicated than it needs to be. My husband is pretty selfish- I will be the first one to say it. He grew up an only child and a bit spoiled. He has only had to work for the things HE has wanted. I love my mother in law to death; however, I feel that only children have the same characteristics of spoiled rotten children- or better yet... MOMMA'S BOYS! Jon has never been one to really WOW me with romantic dates, love letters, or anything like that. In fact... he acknowledges my birthday, our anniversary, and mother's day- but he never goes out of his way to make me feel like he cares. This has made me mad for the LONGEST time. We are talking four years... Yeah- harbor feelings much? Well, the other thing that many couples do in marriages is bring up the past. I was one of them. But it is so hard to NOT bring up the past when it keeps HAPPENING and HAPPENING over and over again. It is like... things are good for a short period and then "BAM"... poopy. Now... let's take the two concepts so far and see HOW they change a marriage.
1. GIVING WITHOUT ANY INTENTION OF GETTING ANYTHING BACK: When we, the spouse, give expecting nothing in return, we have no ground to get upset. We simply enjoy the satisfaction of giving and feel the love that our Lord surrounds us with in "giving without any intention of getting anything back." Think about Christ- He gave his life with no intention of getting anything in return from the ones He laid His life down for. In fact, Jesus KNEW that there would be many that never believed in Him... but He still died for them.
2. LIVE IN THE PRESENT- DON'T FORGET THE PAST- BUT DO NOT HOLD ONTO IT EITHER: When we hold onto the past, we tend to live there. When we look to the future, we tend to get disappointed when things don't pan out the way you hoped. Live in the present... live in NOW. Cherish each moment the Lord has you on this Earth. We are meant to live in happiness and relationship... when we live in the past, we are forgetting what is happening now and when we live in the future we are letting go of the present- isn't a present at a birthday party something you wait for and love? Then why would you forget about your PRESENT from the Lord?

So now... if you and your spouse do these things together, think about the relationship that is being formed. You are constantly giving to your spouse as he or she is giving back to you. You do not expect that, but you feel BLESSED when it happens. You are living in the present and although you know your house is a mess and you really should get ready for your in laws coming to visit, your children are outside playing in the sprinkler and your husband is weed wacking... CHERISH THIS MOMENT! GO... go play with your kids... Go love on your husband and then both of you go play with your kids! SEIZE the moment!
Now- there is ONE thing you HAVE to do to live in a happy marriage: Quit living your life revolving around YOUR wants and NEEDS... and this is where I am going to confuse you... QUITE living your life revolving around even what your SPOUSE wants an needs!!!! Yes I know... I said give give give... and then I said QUIT! You and your spouse need to form a THREE WAY relationship with the LORD as your core! Do you remember those bracelets that said WWJD on them? OK... TATTOO that on your wrist! When you are sitting there talking to your spouse and your children come running through the kitchen SCREAMING and chasing each other... what do you do? Well... what would Jesus do? Would Jesus get up, leave the conversation, and go discipline His kids for being holy terrors... Nope. Jesus would smile and embrace the fact that His children are enjoying each other... and then He would keep His conversation with His love. When you are reading your children a book and your phone rings... what do you do? What would Jesus do? Would Jesus run to answer the phone because it could be His Father? LOL- no pun intended! Absolutely not... Jesus would keep ministering to His children. Two words... Important and Urgent... which one comes first? I bet you thought urgent... WRONG! Important comes first... Urgent... yes- it may be urgent... but is it IMPORTANT?
Which brings me to my next workshop that completely changed my perspective: "How to keep your kids from failing spiritually." I know I use to be the parent that was seeking any and all activities to put my kids in. We were in girl scouts, soccer, gymnastics, karate, and I bought any and all educational toys that would help my kids to be smarter! When I was parenting, I was using the rule of Pavlov: Correct the behavior... correct the thinking. WRONG AGAIN! The number one mistake we make as parents is shaping our children. We think if we put them in all of these activities they will have a leg up in society. We focus SO much on developing them educationally and physically. What is wrong with this picture? Well... where is God? When do we take the time to develop them SPIRITUALLY? I take my kids to church every Sunday, they are in choir, partake in Fish Factory, and bible study on Wednesday- isn't that enough? I will answer that in a second, but first, lets acknowledge this next problem: PAVLOV!!! Darn you Pavlov... you got it ALL wrong! Even as a teacher I am instructed to follow Pavlov and correct my students' behaviors! Basically, I paid $50,000 to be misinformed. The problem with this theory is what happens when you are no longer there to correct your child's behavior? What happens when he or she is at a party and drugs, sex, and alcohol present themselves to him or her? Without you there to correct the behavior or even reward him or her for making the right decision... What will happen? We all know what will happen. The question is how do you fix it? HOW DO YOU PARENT? What should our children look like? Well- think of John in the bible. John turned down a MARRIED WOMAN because he KNEW it was wrong... What did he have that other Pharisees did not have? He had nothing different- HE THOUGH DIFFERENT. He thought with his heart. We must shape our children's hearts... mold them to think with their hearts... only then will our children have a SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTENMENT. A great example... your child is running through the house blowing this whistle that just makes the most ANNOYING noise in the world. What do you do? Do you chase him or her down, snatch the whistle, discipline him or her for being loud, put him or her in time out, and then let him or her get out when the timer goes off? I can tell you that is what I would have done- absolutely!!! I was WRONG! You simply explain to your child that the whistle is hurting your head. Say "Kaydance, mommy has a bit of a headache and when you blow that whistle, it really hurts. Would you mind doing that outside or putting the whistle away for mommy please?" Done... now... what happens when she keeps doing it? At this point, you need to explain what, why, and how she is in the wrong. "Kaydance, I asked you not to blow that whistle any more. You have now disobeyed me. When you disobey me, you disobey God, because He tells us to obey our mommies and daddies. Please hand me the whistle." Done... ok now wait... if your kids are like mine, it doesn't stop there!! She starts screaming and throwing a temper tantrum, what do you do? You simply pick her up, put her in her room or in a time out area and explain why you are putting her in time out: "Kaydance, I think you need a time out. You need to just relax for a second and think about what you did and what you are doing. Maybe even pray about it- ask God to help you see how He wants to to act." Walk away- BUT WAIT... you aren't done! Don't just set the timer and be done... You wouldn't leave turkey in the oven after the timer went off would you? RECONCILE! Go to your child: "Kaydance, I hope you had some time to relax a little bit... do you feel better now? Good, I am glad you feel better. Do you know why I put you in time out? Why?" LET YOUR CHILD EXPLAIN!!!!! Even if she is wrong... LET her THINK about her actions... her consequences. Your child HAS to have this! Now... speak to your child's heart: "Mommy loves you so much. When you don't listen to me or do what I ask you to do, you hurt my feelings. How did you feel when I put you in time out?" LET YOUR CHILD BE EMOTIONAL! She needs to understand her own feelings. She may say that you made her mad... GOOD!! She is EXPRESSING her anger and not ACTING out on it!!! With time, I assure you, your child will begin to EXPRESS his or her feelings rather than acting out on them. Now- you mothers of boys... does this make your boy a "pansy?" ABSOLUTELY NOT! If he was "at that age" and was feeling sexually curious or curious about anything... Don't you HOPE he comes to you BEFORE acting out on them? OR at least talks to himself first??? Or maybe he prays about it!!! Whatever he may do... at least he doesn't ACT OUT ON IT FIRST!!!! This will go with him into his own marriage... If he gets angry with his wife, don't you PRAY that he tells her he is upset rather than hitting her? I would hope so...

So I leave you with this challenge!! No time length... but I want you to try this... BEFORE you do anything... ANYTHING... ask yourself "What would Jesus do?" Come back and post... tell me if it works for you! We all need spiritual enlightenment!!