When I got home from my MOPS convention in Orlando, I looked at things with new eyes- or well... I saw things with a new light shining on them. I started FORCING myself to see things in better ways. My husband was still as irritating as ever- don't get me wrong! But I had changed. I was seeing the things that I LOVED about him instead of the things I hated. These last few weeks he has been working and training like crazy and I basically have not seen him at all. When I did see him he was grumpy and tired and just being a butt head. I tolerated... I let it go. I knew he was tired and I kept telling myself this is all "pre deployment" bliss- ya know... Fighting because it makes saying goodbye easier. Except, the other day, it hit me. I was asking my husband to CHANGE... That means, I didn't love who he was. We sat down (after a pretty heated argument) and I basically came to the conclusion of it is so unfair for me to ask him to change. It is not his fault that I have changed. I mean, I am NOT the woman he married. When we got married, I was a selfish teenager brat! Really- I was... high school girl... mean... ruthless... It was horrible. But I really can say I HAVE CHANGED! I am a woman of God and everything I do I ask myself my challenge question (What would Jesus do?). Jesus would not ask someone to change... He would help them SEE... but He would not ask them to change. Long story short and minus some details- I basically said that although it is against EVERYTHING I believe in... I thought a divorce was in our future. TRUST me... I am NOT saying that because I don't LOVE my husband! I love him with everything I am and a divorce is SO against my beliefs... my morals... But, like I told my hubby, I also believe that our children deserve to have a chance. I don't want them to be raised with parents that don't communicate. Especially raising girls... I don't want them to think that men should treat their wives like this. I want my girls to seek out "Mr. Perfect." I want the best for them! I will admit- I am emo! I love a man that can sing, play the guitar, write me poetry, express their love to me, and make me their priority. But I am realizing that I NEED a man that has a relationship with the Lord. I NEED someone to bring me up when I am down- not make it worse. Partially because my husband is an only child makes him who he is. He is selfish and puts himself first. I basically felt like he didn't WANT to be a husband... he didn't WANT to be a dad. Because he can't talk to me about SERIOUS issues. He also can't PLAY with his kids that much because he gets so impatient with them. TRUST ME- I do NOT throw "divorce" around lightly. But this has been going on for quite some time now... There comes a point in your life where you have to look at what is best for you and your kids- sometimes the things we NEED are not the things we want. I WANT my marriage to work!!! TRUST ME... I have done, am doing, and will continue to do EVERYTHING I can to make my marriage work. BUT IT TAKES TWO! So don't judge me...
Then my husband and I sat down and TALKED SERIOUS last night. I printed off divorce papers and we started talking seriously about it... And he saw where I was coming from and completely agreed that our kids deserve better. I also told him how it was unfair that I ask him to change. That is when he said something that changed everything. He said "But that is what it is going to take"...
At that point I questioned him. Here I thought we were on the same page about divorce. I KNEW we were on the same page because we were discussing it in a CIVIL manner. It was not out of anger... spite... it was PURE. It was honest and REAL! But then he said that... I was TAKEN BACK.
He explained to me that he would not be where he is today if it weren't for me. As I would not be where I am if it weren't for him. We have BOTH changed since we got married. We have grown- unfortunately, we have grown apart. BUT we still have something that means everything- LOVE. WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!
We both broke down and basically CONFESSED everything to each other- together. I confessed my TRUE emotions and he confessed everything he has sometimes said but ALWAYS felt... but NEVER showed! IT was emotional... it was REAL... it was PURE... and it was the HAND OF GOD intervening! I have been praying- oh have I been praying. And I thought God was SHOWING me the "divorce" path. Because I wasn't angry about it- I wasn't sad... I was upset... but not sad. I knew (or though I knew) that it was the best thing! But... I was wrong. Oh was I wrong. It just took me COMMUNICATING myself to my husband. EVERYTHING... and then letting it sit and brew... LIKE CHICKEN SOUP!
Chicken soup is what we turn to when we are sick... in pain... hurting. There is a "soup" for everything! Why can't there be a soup for our marriage... That soup is a careful recipe. It is balanced with the most PURE ingredients, completely organic and from the soul. No chemicals... No toxins (counseling... therapy... drugs). Not saying that counseling and therapy is bad. But honestly- it has done NOTHING for my husband and me. We realized we needed a dose of God's soup... we needed to turn to the ONLY counselor that CAN and WILL do something about it... Our Lord. So here is the recipe for some "Chicken Soup" for your marriage:
2 people
2 hearts
4 hands
2 mouths
2 bodies full of faith
4 eyes
Consistent hope
Constant communication
Never ending prayer
2 people make up a marriage- 2 hearts make up a relationship. 4 hands and 2 mouths make a circle, complete with 2 bodies full of faith. The couple needs to take hands and look at each other with their 4 eyes. They then need to make a consistent pledge of hope by placing Jesus in the center of the circle- PLEDGE to maintain CONSTANT communication... Even if it is bad, and especially if it is good. Talk about the things that upset you, your needs, your wants. Don't expect change OVERNIGHT! These ingredients must sit and brew. They must come together with the right amount of taste and potency. After all of these ingredients come together, the couple then needs to pray! Whether it be together or separate. PROMISE each other to wake up praying for your spouse and go to bed praying for your spouse! This is the chicken soup for the married soul. WARNING: May need to make more than one batch, sometimes more than once a day. However, with time this soup will become stocked up in your spirit pantry and easily accessible.
I have written this... please... take and enjoy :-) I know we are working on our batches. Right now, we are at about 3 or 4 a day... but I know that I serve a God that CAN and WILL work this out <3
(pictures copyright material of T. Lyn Photography)
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