Insomnia

So due to my lack of sleeping, I thought I would do something useful with my time and put my thoughts down on paper (or typed on screen). I have not been blogging lately and I apologize. Honestly, I am not even sure anyone reads these any more... but hey, this is my way of "venting" so I suppose it makes no difference.
There has been a lot going on in my life lately. Probably why I haven't been blogging. However, blogging is the only thing that really allows me to make sense of things, so I suppose I will try.
First of all, I hate drama. Can I just say that first? Since my husband has been... well... not here in body, there has been so much drama. It honestly baffles me the audacity that some people have around here.
The day my hubby left, I went to my regular Zumba class that night. I love me some Zumba! It is the most exhilarating workout ever and completely up my road. There was this guy there, which was odd, because guys don't really do Zumba. However, I knew his mom so I knew he had to be a decent person. At first, he was. He was really funny and super nice! Not like most guys around here who are so full of themselves that all they see is a piece of MEAT. So that was a bit relieving. However, things changed. The more I started to run into him, the more stressed I began to get. At first I thought I was just being paranoid. You know? The whole "Is he checking me out? Did he just look me up and down?"... I thought nothing of it and went on with my business. I started running into him at church and then every weekday at the gym. On top of all this, Kaydance had soccer so we were at practice four days out of the week as she played on a U6 team AND was invited to play on the U10 team this year! She is amazing (side note). Anyways, to make a REALLY long and complex story short and as to the point as possible, this guy (referred to now as Creeper) ended up crossing the line. Not physically... trust me... if that were the case he would be dead. But on several accounts I tried to make sure he realized that I was a MARRIED woman and was not interested in leaving my husband. He kept pushing and eventually, I had to start confiding in some of my close friends. I will admit, I am not completely innocent in this situation. I should have put my foot down a long time ago and threatened him sooner. However, I am a bit naive... or sometimes I blame my "paranoia" on my ego. Too bad this time- I should have listened to those "red flags". He has backed off now... but there for a while, I was starting to think I was going to have to file harassment charges and maybe even get a restraining order.
Oy
Now on top of all that, Kaydance's soccer coach (who was a young guy- 19 I believe) started to kind of do the same thing. Not as bad, and he took the hint when I THREW it in his face. However, he did end up being a major FRAUD and jipped all of the soccer parents out of money. We paid for trophies and he ended up over charging us and "vanishing". Lovely.
So basically, I have decided that every man in this area takes advantage of military spouses and anyone else for that matter. No wonder my hubby wants out of this area as soon as possible!
In the midst of all this chaos, I made some pretty amazing friends! I talked about my amazing neighbors in my last blog: Yoshi and Ian. Seriously, these people are amazing! Yoshi actually went back home (far away) to deliver her third baby while Ian stayed back here for work. So basically, we are both dealing with "separation"- so that makes for a wonderful friendship. It is like the wives that stick together when their spouse is gone. Actually, more like Army Wives! You know there is a male in that bunch too!! Ian... he is our male! What I was getting at was when I told him about all of the stuff I was going through, him and his wife BOTH were immediately watching out for me! It was the most amazing thing in the world. They have not lived here long, but it was almost as if we developed a strong friendship overnight. I feel completely comfortable with them and don't feel like I have to "BE" anyone but myself! I tell Ian all the time, but it is really funny because I miss Yoshi and their kiddos as much as I miss my own family. She is seriously the most amazing person in the world!
I have also made several strong friendships at church... friendships that kind of blossomed overnight: Jenn and her husband Bill, William and Melanie, Gavin and Laurel, Jennifer P., and many others. I really feel like this place is not too awful.
I am also very busy with church activities, school, and now have been asked to step up as key spouse for my husband's squadron. At first I was very against the position and just kind of prayed on the whole situation. After being asked several times, I finally said I would attend the training, but I could not commit to anything right now. You see... military life is not AT ALL what the television shows depict it to me. The drama is MUCH worse... the sorrow is MUCH deeper... the anger is MORE fierce... and the happiness is MUCH less.
Military life is hard- MUCH harder than I could have EVER imagined! It disgusts me how this country treats their military members and their family! But what is even worse is the fact that now military families are turning their backs on each other. The moral support is not there. The ethics and values are gone. The sense of "family" doesn't exist any more. Perhaps it is my nurturing instinct as a mother or my philosophical standpoint on the importance of relationships. I am not sure... but I do know that something needs to change. That is why I am going into the field of education- to change this country! However, along my journey, God has put many things in my path that make me think "Hmm... OK... I got this". This year I stepped out of my comfort box and stepped up as co-coordinator and publicity coordinator of our MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group. I took on an assistant director position of our church's GRAND musical: A Christmas Carol. I am the Wee Ones (preschool-kindergarten) choir director, Sunday School music director, and now key spouse for our squadron. I should feel overwhelmed right?
Oddly enough... I don't. I feel like God is putting these things in my way for a reason. Just like He is putting the new friendships in my life for a reason. Without these friendships, I would not have the support or the insight to DO the things I am doing. Without these opportunities, I would not have the life experience and functional opportunities to deepen my relationship with my Lord... and His people.
I guess that is the whole point of this. RELATIONSHIPS.
Lately, I have realized just how MUCH we, humans, mankind, are DESIGNED for relationships. We are NOT designed to be alone. We are NOT designed to sit on our butts all day (if we were, they would be flat and not round ;-)
We were designed by God Himself with SPECIFIC purpose. Sometimes, our purpose is MUCH MORE than we thought. Sometimes, it is not as GLOBAL as we had hoped... but no matter what your purpose may be, you MUST keep the faith that your purpose is important! Even if you touch one life... you change one person's route... you influence one child--- That one life could be someone who was going to commit suicide and instead got married and had kids. Those kids could grow up to be scientists who discover the cure to Aids, or the most influential person in all of history. You never know WHO you are loving until you LOVE them!
I encourage you all to tune into WPSM radio (91.1 Psalms). You can listen online over the internet... but just listen. God speaks to you in the most amazing ways. He guides you to do His will and live for His purpose.
The question is... are you listening?